The Noviciate

Although we know that Dina now has a new name. We shall continue to call her Dina because it is more familiar to us.

The period of the noviciate begins and Dina’s motto is: Not to deny anything to Jesus. She has a great desire to give herself completely to Him. Her heart burns with the fire of the Ignation “magis”, which means “always more” - she desires to give Jesus always more and more, being faithful to grace in everything. She sums up her desires saying: “Jesus I want to be holy and with your grace I shall be”.

To want to be holy is to be very clear about the primacy of God in life and to work for His greater glory.

In Baptism, all of us, you and me as well, are called to be holy and to be holy is nothing else than to develop as fully as possible the graces received that day. On account of our negligence the strings of love sometimes get out of tune and it is necessary to re-tune them constantly; often we are unable to do this, but if we allow him to do so, God will take charge and do it. With her artistic temperament, Dina, who was always sensitively and unconditionally faithful to grace, wishes to keep the harp of her life very much in tune, so that Jesus would always be able to play it. The motto which she drew up on leaving boarding school, “Death rather than sin” is no longer enough for her; she desires to impregnate everything with love and wants her most beloved names to appear in her motto. She finds what she wants; “Jesus and Mary, the law of my love and my love the law of my life”.

Dina dedicates herself to the tasks that are usual in the noviciate: cleaning, sewing, washing, studying … everything that is going to prepare her for religious life and teaching. She participates in the recreations and amusements. As she is very clever, she writes one-act plays in which she herself takes various roles. 

She continues to give piano lessons and likes her pupils very much, but following the preferences of Claudine Thévenet, the Foundress of her Congregation, her favourites are the least talented ones. She herself personally carried on with her musical studies and also begins literary work. She revises the rules of rhyme and begins to compose poetry. At the beginning she does not find it easy and according to her has the dictionary in her hand, searching for words, longer than it is lying on the table. She does not become discouraged and with the help of the Lord the rhymes come to flow more easily. Could it be that what Jesus had said is being accomplished: “You will do good through your writings”?   Dina never managed to fully understand the meaning of these words. Little did she imagine that it would be through her Autobiography.

The days pass.  Dina does not always feel tangible fervour; there are long periods when Jesus is silent, but she is determined to follow her desire not to deny him anything. When the darkness is greatest, she places herself in Mary’s hands so as not to reduce, in her heart, the  ever –more “magis”  that she has promised Jesus.  Suffering is present in the midst of great consolations. She does not want to let herself be carried away by illusions, she need to discern and although on account of her reserve and timidity it costs her a great deal to communicate what she is living interiorly, she shares it in all simplicity with the religious responsible for the noviciate. Obedience “before all else” is a characteristic which Claudine wanted to stamp on her Congregation; Dina makes it completely hers and tells us that obedience was always her refuge.

If you begin…

Dina enters the noviciate and the first thing that she reads on a mural is: “If you begin, do so perfectly”. This made a great impression on her and she is ready to put it into practice. 

Community life continues to be a source of great suffering or her, not because she did not care for her companions, she would have given her life for anyone of them, but given her sensitivity even small difficulties offered her an opportunity to constantly put others first.

For nothing in the world would she abandon her vocation, but her homesickness continued for several weeks. She writes “Sometimes, when I was taking a stroll, I got the idea of slipping away without hat or coat, or of escaping from the window during the night”. She struggles with this ceaselessly and it is painful when her natural feelings are evident to others. Because at times tears fall, she decides to undertake the challenge of smiling continuously, because she tells herself “a sad saint is a sorry saint”. Jesus makes her understand that true interior joy must be reflected exteriorly. It’s not always easy. If at any time you have been through it, you will know the cost of not showing your feelings when you are annoyed by things around you.

The days pass. She begins to give some piano lessons. She loves it and tells herself that Jesus will be the real teacher. This is not hard, because she knows that Jesus lives in her. These classes are happy times for her and for her students; she is demanding, but so kind that all remember her with great affection.

Jesus continues to communicate with her interiorly. Dina listens in order to please Him in everything. One day, at Christmas, Jesus invites her to play and tells her that whoever loves the most will win. The competition gets more difficult but in the end they tie because Dina tells Jesus that she loves him with the same love that he gives her. Another day, the game becomes more complicated, because this time it is about the Cross and whoever carries it better will win. She sees that Jesus is winning; Dina’s responses are increasingly wavering, until it occurs to her to turn her eyes to the Virgin Mary, begging her help. In no time Dina sees clearly and tells Jesus that she unites her poor crosses to His and that thus they have an equal value.  Does this seem like a childish game to you? Don’t you believe it; when you truly love you say things that others do not understand – but those who love each other need to express such love in a thousand ways.

The 15^th February 1922 arrives. But what happens on this day? I don’t know if you know that in religious life there is an initial period of testing before beginning the noviciate as such. This period ends with a ceremony in which the young woman, in addition to receiving the religious dress, is given a new name. From now on Dina will be known as Mary Saint Cecilia of Rome. For her this was a great joy. It begins with the same name as the Our Lady and, as a good pianist, they could not have added a better one than that of Cecilia, the patron of music and whom she had always greatly liked and invoked for a long time. Moreover Cecilia fulfilled all Dina’s aspirations, virgin, martyr and apostle.

Homesickness

The 11^th August 1921 arrived and Dina was accompanied by her parents to the noviciate of the Religious of Jesus and Mary in Sillery, Quebec. 

She relates that darkness and repugnance reigned within her, but that hardly had she crossed the threshold that an inner force made her say, “I am at home”. This convinced her that she was where God wanted her, without alleviating the conflicting feelings that everyone who is in darkness experiences. Her desire for solitude, her dreams of religious life had disappeared, but on the other hand, Jesus was with her. When someone does something very difficult, but with the conviction that she is doing what she ought to do, is it not true that one feels a mixture of anguish and certainty?  Something that cannot be explained is a source of suffering, but at the same time is a cause of joy.  This is what happened to Dina.

I can tell you that Dina is not the first or the only person to have these feelings, which really just mean not understanding what is happening. There was a woman, the Virgin Mary, who also did not understand anything when the angel announced to her in Nazareth that the greatest of mysteries was about to take place, and yet she said her “Yes”, without seeing clearly. Although Dina’s “Yes” is nothing in comparison with Mary’s, it is quite likely that she remembered it during these moments, because, although I did not tell you from the beginning, Dina loved Mary very much and had recourse to her at difficult times.

With all this you must not think that during these first days that life became easy for Dina. She continued in darkness and both temptation and discouragement afflicted her. Everything seemed almost impossible for her. “Are you going to live here until the end of your days? Are you going to submit yourself to these demands which are so difficult for you?”

Community life was one of the things that cost her most and she was very homesick. No one noticed anything however, nor did she tell anyone, only some very discreet people were going to know. One day she found a chicken coop in the garden and with a heavy heart she said to the hen “You are in your house, make the very most of it, make the most of it!” Such was her state of mind.  Moreover Dina thought that she would not have the possibility of living a life of solitary prayer; at various times during the day everyone came together in the chapel for prayer; Dina came to think that she would no longer be able to speak intimately and alone with Jesus. She was seeking something else. One day she relived the first moment when a voice made her say, “I am at home” and she came to understand that these feelings did not come from God. She rejected them and renewed her great desire to be faithful.

Later on during the retreat in preparation for the official entry into the noviciate, light and peace returned to her. She received two big graces during these days: the intimate communication with Jesus returns and she felt that God had taken her heart and replaced it with those of Jesus and Mary. She does not know how to describe it. She will no longer have to search for them outside herself, she will possess them interiorly. Our Lord reserves ever greater graces for her. A continuous ascent is about to begin for Dina, which she will communicate to us by means of the mottos that she will choose for herself. She sums it up now “Obey blindly, suffer with joy, love until martyrdom”.

God calls her

 Three years have now passed since Dina returned from New York. We have seen something of her life in the city. 

Now she spends her holidays in the country. Nature had a very special attraction for her. She was moved by the twilight, moonlight, plants, flowers, fruits, stream, rivers, butterflies and the twittering of the birds, As someone who loved all that is beautiful, she loved the order in nature, the silence of the firmament, the beauty of the stars… their infinity. It is as someone in love who  lets  herself  be captivated – everything is directed to God and helps her to unite herself to Him. Doubtless her being, filled with music and harmony, enabled her to rejoice intensely and become ecstatic in the face of the marvels of creation. Dina is like a harp which vibrates with music. The contemplative is a person not caught up with themselves, but full of admiration, emotion and gratitude, with a tremendous capacity for awe.  Dina is a person who has been captivated, seduced by God; she does not bother about herself and deep down is always turned towards God.

We have now reached the summer of 1920. Dina is now 23 years old and the desire for religious life grows within her. She does not feel called to the Congregation of Our Lady where she had been educated. She is attracted to the contemplative life, but has doubts because of her studies and is inclined towards teaching. Three possibilities seem to lie before her – the Ursuline  Congregation, the Religious of Jesus and Mary and the Society of the Sacred Heart. But she cannot see clearly. She continued to discern and one day heard the voice of Jesus speaking to her, ”I want you in Jesus and Mary”.  

Dina responded, “Wherever you wish, Lord. You know that I don’t like teaching, but I want to respond to your call, I don’t mind where, all I want is to answer your call, all I want is what will most please you”. The Master replied “You will not teach for long”. Dina did not understand, but her doubts vanish.

The time had come to speak once more to her parents. She wrote: “I had no doubts about their consent, but yes, I foresaw their sorrow and my heart was broken”. At last she spoke to them and was consoled by their consent. None of this is easy; if any one of you has lived through such a critical moment you know what it means to break intimate ties. But the strength of God works in such moments and Dina experienced that. If one day you have to face a similar situation, don’t be afraid, Jesus will take your place and, without knowing it, you will feel very strong.

During the final months while Dina was still living at home, her parents went out of their way to make her happy. They had done so all her life, but now they excelled themselves, without meaning to turn her away from her vocation in the least. In order to give her all the happiness that was in their power, they proposed a trip to the Niagara Falls, offering her every kind of pleasure and amusement. These were very happy days in a wonderful natural setting which again raised Dina’s mind and heart to God.

The day came to say goodbye. Dina tells us that the waiting was agony for her- she would leave her home for ever. She departed with no hope of ever seeing it again. He herself tells us that, without some superior strength, she would not have been able to take this step.

Dina, concert pianist

In June 1918 Dina had already returned to Quebec having completed the two years of study.

 In New York Dina had begun to suffer from a period of intense spiritual darkness and suffering which would continue on her return home. She was still filled with a great love for Jesus but He was often silent and a frightening interior struggle began, from which she could not escape – this was indeed difficult.

So now I am asking if you have ever experienced an interior struggle? You want to do something and then you do the opposite.  You resolve to live in a certain way, but then let yourself be carried away by the influence of what others do.  You are annoyed by things and people, but do not know how to overcome these feelings.  A temptation presents itself and you cannot overcome it. It is true that you suffer in all this.  The same happened to Dina.  Perhaps it will help you to know what she did.  She did not change the plan she had made for her prayers, but rather prolonged them and learned to discern where the voice of Jesus could be heard. She did not want to be carried away by any illusion.  Try this  remedy, I am sure that you will feel a great and helpful peace.

After the two years in New York, Dina outwardly continued her ordinary life as a young woman: going out with her friends, meetings, accompanying her mother in visits to needy people, some excursions and concerts … without neglecting her studies, the piano by herself and harmony through a correspondence course. From time to time she asked herself why she was making such an effort; she felt that she would never reach the level she aspired to.  One day she heard within her the voice of Jesus who said to her: “Your knowledge of music will protect your vocation, but, above all  you will do good by your writings”.  Dina did not understand and said to herself, “By my writings?” Little did she imagine what, one day as a Sister, what would be asked of her by the superior.

Yes, although she does not know it yet, it refers to her Autobiography which she will begin to write in March 1924 and which today has been translated into several languages; Spanish, English, Italian and German. Many people have read it and it has done and does great good to so many.  I hope that it will do the same for you. When reading it, some of the expressions used may not be familiar to you, but try to look beyond the words… you must remember that Dina is using the vocabulary of French spirituality in the first decades of twentieth century… which would have been deepened during formation as a religious.

In Quebec the concert season, as such, now opened up before Dina. The simplicity of her dress, her attitude and self-presentation charmed everyone.  Before every concert Jesus asked her to sacrifice success, something which she did, and offers Him a possible failure. However, the audience applauds her, praises her and encourages her to carry on – saying that she would go far, a brilliant future lies before her. But she always retained her beautiful simplicity. Kindly and simply she accepts all the demonstrations of encouragement, but deep down they only convince her of her lack of ability and even though she admits to success, she feels empty before it and it arouses only indifference within her.  Nobody notices it but we know what suffering this praise caused her.

Do you understand? Within her Dina vibrates with the music and she composes pieces some of which have been preserved. Perhaps the best known is the one called the Ricordanza”. If you ever hear it you will come to understand the power, beauty and harmony of the chords. If you would like to listen to it, you can find it on the Web.

More letters

I cannot fail to share other extracts from Dina’s letters as I want you to get to know Dina well.

3 December 1916: “…  Speaking  of  my holidays. I will probably be with you in three weeks’  time, We will arrive in Montreal on the Sunday morning of Christmas Eve. We will go to Mass and then leave for Quebec in order to arrive in time for Midnight Mass. If you need anything, for presents etc., please ask me soon so that I can buy them. I assure that there is a wonderful choice, please give me some ideas. If there are things that will not pass the Customs I will let you know… I feel that I am making great progress with the piano. I have acquired extraordinary strength … Do you know what happened yesterday? While practicing the Rhapsody of Auvergne, I broke a key, the wooden support of one of the hammers that hit the strings…”

12 February 1917: “…  I am very well and eat enough for three! Are you smiling doubtfully?  Every morning, except Friday, I have a steak and four pieces of toast, yes, four, each about three inches square. The fear of war has not ruined my appetite... Greetings to you my dear parents – I cover the letter with kisses – look carefully at the envelope in case one should escape!”

22 May 1917: “… Last Saturday at three o’clock, I did my piano examination. I was not at all nervous and neither did my memory fail me. I played twenty variations: eleven pages. At first, the teachers, Mr Damrosch and Mr Newstead were following in my exercise book, but then they came as close as possible in order to observe the movements of my hands, fingers, arms etc. Then Mr Damrosch stopped me and patted my shoulder, “You are very talented! You have made a lot of progress since I heard you the first time. I can see that you work very hard, I am very pleased with you!” Then he took my hand and said to Mr Newstead, “she has a long narrow hand; with such a hand she will be able to have more strength and extend it even further”… and he added “She did not buy it in the market! She had to accept it as it was”. I laughed. Yesterday I had a lesson with M. Newstead… He began to talk about next year, but I interrupted him, “if I do return …” “Don’t say that to me “ he replied. If all that is said is in order to encourage me, then they have succeeded; you will understand that this encourages me to work: I am very well…”

25 October 1917. “I went to the Conservatoire this afternoon. They awarded me an A, the top mark, for harmony. The piano goes from strength to strength.  Have you noticed the moon? Tonight I asked it to do something for me. Take a careful look at it, it will pass on many loving wishes from me. Did you sleep well last night? Today has been sunny and I am now going to the  Rosary for the month of October.  Good night, dear mother and father – I send you a big hug.”

Well, I could quote much more from Dina’s letters to you, but I do not want to go on for too long. I am sure you feel you know Dina well.  Now we will follow her when she returns definitively to Quebec.

On finishing her studies her parents offered her a piano and she went to choose and buy it with her father in New York.  Having made the choice they found that it had already been sold, but that three other very good ones had just arrived, so Dina picked a dark-coloured one that she liked very much. She was so happy and dreamed of playing it at home, drawing out its sound and, more than anything, giving pleasure to her parents.

Correspondence

I promised to read you something from her letters. So here we go!  In reading some paragraphs you will get to know a young woman who was full of life, wanting to make the very best use of her opportunities and above all please her parents.

9 October 1916: “…  Yesterday afternoon we gave a concert in the Salon to the Sisters and the students who wanted to hear us. I played, from memory, the Caprice Waltz and the Allegro Appassionata of St Saens. They were very kind to us. Bernadette played the Sermon to the Birds of List. Yesterday morning we went to the High Mass in the Church of St. Francis Xavier. Beautiful singing. I will return there if I can. In the afternoon we went for a walk in Central Park. Tomorrow we will go back to Macy’s. There I saw escalators. My father would have enjoyed riding up on them. What a huge store! How rich, how beautiful. I want to carry out my intention of going to bed early, for I do not want to lose my rosy cheeks. Here they tell me that I have not got New York colours …”

13th October 1916 “…the temperature is ideal. Aline and I went shopping like real Americans. I found some high boots, brown and very smart for $3.85.  I needed them and so bought them, as well as a bag for $1. My companion is very funny and how I laughed.  In another shop we bought white silk stockings. On Wednesday afternoon we went, with an Irish girl, to visit the Fine Arts Museum, or rather, we began to visit it. One needs to spend many days there to see it all. We spent time in the room where there were pianos and musical instruments… In the morning I go to Mass in the church of the Assumption Fathers. My appetite is very good, you certainly will not recognise me at Christmas. We play ball games and laugh – I should say so! If the Yanks are forming an idea of us French Canadians they will just have to recognise the virtue of cheerfulness...”

19 October 1916.”… Let me tell you about the Conservatoire. I did not receive my timetable until Tuesday. My piano teacher is a Mr Newstead, I have Mr Richardson for harmony and also lessons from Mr Tappe.  I met Mr Newstead on Tuesday and, after asking me to play the Bach Prelude, he told me “your fingers are strong and you use them well. Now, as necessary, you must use your wrists more, your arm and your fore-arm”. He then made me play the Allegro and at the very end he gave me a little pat on the shoulder and said “You are talented, I hope you will have a very good year”.   He is English and does not want to speak French. No problem, I will break my neck to speak his language…”

5 November 1916.  “I have just returned from a concert given by Paderewiski. It was worth coming from Quebec simply to hear him. At present he is thought to be the greatest pianist in the world. He played eight pieces and of them, the audience made him repeat the Second Rhapsody of List. There was rapturous applause from the audience - the great Carnegie Hall was completely full.  You cannot imagine how good it is to be in New York.”